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Parking Tickets

Top Ten Excuses

This is an Unofficial WebPage!!

As anybody can imagine, parking at a College Campus, never mind ON a College Campus can be quite a trying experience. Parking at Keene State College is no exception!
At Keene State, we have several parking lots - all of which require a decal or some kind of permit to park in, including the visitor parking lot. Basically, if you don't have a permit of some kind to park on campus, you can't park on campus --- it's really pretty simple!

The reason even the visitor parking lot requires a permit as well is because of the kids that try to pull a quickie over Campus Safety by not purchasing a parking decal and trying to park in the visitor lot for free. The funny thing is, that it doesn't work well for them as a rule. They seem to have this misconception that by parking in a different space, it'll be okay, and we (Campus Safety) will never figure out that the old white car with stickers that obviously hold it together, that say "Mean People Suck" or "I beat up your Honor Student" won't be remembered by the Officers. Another misconception is that by parking in a lot they don't belong in and, get this, turning on their 4-way flashers, is supposed to "excuse" them from being ticketed. We seek those cars out - the ones with the flashers on - because it's like they're screaming - VIOLATOR - OVER HERE - TICKET ME!!!!!  And trust me on this one, it really is pretty funny to see a car with it's flashers on, or even better, the car alarm just screaming as it's going down the road on a wrecker!  -- Because after all, we know they were only in where ever for "only a minute".

Each parking lot has a HUGE sign at each entrance telling what type of parking lot it is, AND, they're color coded to match the color of the decal allowed into that lot. Now I understand that just because these signs are the size of a full sheet of plywood and written in plain English doesn't mean that these kids (and staff) can actually read and interpret them. Nor actually see them for that matter.

There is a slight quirk in the system that for some unknown reason, the College continues to cater to these folks with stupid signs. You would think, or at least if you have somewhere near a thimble full of common sense, that if there are five parking spaces all next to each other with a sign directly in front of each one saying this is a loading/unloading zone for 15 minutes, and you must have your flashers on during this time, that if ONE of the signs is missing, those rules still pertain to the space with the missing sign. Well guess again, not so...... They'll park there all day, all night, weeks on end, and because the sign is missing in front of "that" space, it's open parking and anything goes - why? Because there wasn't a sign. The really sad thing is, when they whine because they got a parking ticket, 9 out of 10 times, it gets dropped.

So after these people get their parking tickets, they are all entitled to appeal the ticket(s), despite the fact that right on the appeal form are unacceptable reasons for an appeal, for example;
I didn't see the sign...
I was only there a minute... etc......
As you can imagine, these appeals make for some pretty good reading. Some of the lies - er - reasons - they come up with are absolutely hilarious! I'll give them credit, they should maybe get a discount on their parking fine for their "creative" writing talents! There are a few that are actually honest and deserve a break, but for the most part, they are the most conniving, deceptive, bunch of people I've ever dealt with.

So, with no further adieu, I'd like to share the Top Ten excuses as to why they parked where they did.

Number 10 ---- (Use your best "whiney" voice) I didn't see the sign.

Number 9 ---- There wasn't a sign that said I couldn't park there. (My usual response to this one is: There wasn't one that said you "could" park there either....)

Number 8 ---- I haven't had time to get my decal. (Granted, it's now mid November and school started in late August)

Number 7 ---- &*^$%# YOU, YOU SUCK, Get a real job....(Yeah, that'll work....)

Number 6 ---- There wasn't a place to park so I "had" to park on the lawn...

Number 5 ---- My roommate told me it was okay...

Number 4 ---- I pay your salary...

Number 3 ---- I got in late and thought it would be okay for the night..... (Well it was - for the night - the problem is that it hasn't moved for 3 days...)

Number 2 ---- It wasn't my fault.... (Who's was it then...)

And the Number 1 excuse written on an appeal form is: "I'm so poor.....please, please, please..."

If you're interested in hearing what we'd like to use for an automated appeal process, listen to this voice clip. It's kind of long, so give it a while to download! Automated Appeal Line

Stay tuned for more additions. Every year they get better and better...

"SaftEy? Yeah.... Okay...."

October 16, 2007

Okay, so it's literally been years since I added to or even updated this page.  Well, except for a couple server moves....  But that's behind the scene kinda stuff...

I guess for the most part, not much has really changed.  Well, except our new sign above is now spelled correctly!  We've moved some parking lots, we've changed a few around so what was staff parking is now student parking - you know, to keep 'em guessing...  And yes, we've even added a few.  We actually have more parking now than we did when I wrote the first part of this.  But, not all of the parking is adjacent to where everyone thinks they need to park.

Lately, one of my biggest pet peeves is when I'm dispatching at DCS, and lucky for us, we also get to play the welcoming committee for everybody that happens to stumble on Campus.  Like it or not, we get to answer the gazillion questions that come every day - most of which are the exact same as the previous 95 people that walk in here.  I know, I know, it's not their fault that they don't know where they're going, and it is my job to tell - let me put this another way, assist them in locating their ultimate destination - that customer service crap bites me in the backside every time...

Back to the pet peeve, when someone comes into our office to use the visitor lot (now that the sign is spelled right) for an admissions tour for example, that's fine.  That's exactly what the visitor lot is for - VISITORS!  They come in, ask for a parking pass and to streamline things, we just take their license plate information.  (Trust me, if you're here everyday, like a student would be, we'll figure it out) I'll ask what's your plate number.  Some people will actually know it, some will say it's ABC123 or something like that but the ones that just make me want to reach across the counter - well, never mind about that, are the ones that say "it's a blue Ford Explorer".  I'll ask again, okay, and the plate number on your Explorer is?????  And they'll stare at me, like I've got two heads, and if I manage to get an "Oh, I don't know" out of them, will continue to just stand in front of me staring, like I'm going to just have it magically come to me what "their" plate number is...  I actually have to instruct them to go get the damn thing.  It gets better.  We're not talking about a great distance away now, some will actually use their stupid cell phones and call someone back at the car that they're waving to from my office to tell them their plate number that THEY OUGHT TO KNOW!!!






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